My friend, it was good to hear from you. When you reply to a post on the blog, it goes through a modification. I am able to reject or publish, so your comments may become public. I would like to find out where you are, as I have searched to no avail. Please, if you're reading this, leave a comment with your current contact information. I will read it and then reject the comment, so as to leave your personal information between us. I will always love you too, and no, you weren't a dipshit, we were just young. I'd love to catch up. Give your family my love. Look forward to hearing from you.
Lisa
Friday, July 11, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Thanks Mr. President
"Gee, thanks for the autographed baseball Mr. President. I'll sell it on E-Bay and use the money to buy gas to get to my little league games."
My Prayer
First, I want to express my gratitude about something. This past week, I've received a number of e-mails, both personal and private, from friends reminding me of their love, their pride over my growth, and general well-wishes. It's hard to see change when you're the one changing, so the outside perspective has been a tremendous encouragement and frankly, God's voice communicating audibly. I have been fortunate in my life to have some close and intimate friendships, all of whom have made me a better person, all of whom taught me something unique. So, to you my friends, thank you for hanging in there. And to you, my dear God, my cup overflows again and again.
My mind feels like a toll road these days. Lots of passing thoughts, heartstrings being pulled this way and that, emotions rising to the surface. I feel a sense of connectedness to myself and to what God brings up. Some things I have to put back on the shelf for the time being, while other things I am so much better equipped to handle. Many relationships within my family are sitting on the shelf. I feel fear around confronting my own anger and hurt. This is a primary feeling related to my Dad. He's computer illiterate, so I don't worry about him finding my blog! He can't even set a digital clock! It's actually a part of him I find endearing. Anyway, several months ago he and I had our own OK Corral-Tombstone type experience...we just weren't on the same side. I said things that were down right appalling and insensitive. I was heartless and didn't express any measure of gratefulness for all my father has provided for me. I can't say that growing up with this man was easy, fair, or without abuse. My Dad, for reasons still inexplicable to me, has never been able to fully own his past actions. While I ranted that I had moved on, forgiven him and no longer focused on the past, I continued to lie to myself. Deep down I was resentful and my fury raged just below the surface. An event with my son a number of months ago, triggered my anger and sent me over the edge.
Let me paint a picture for you. I grew up in a christian home, divided, but christian. My Mom strove to please God, please others, and love both my brother and I for the both of them. My Dad, a policeman, was a wonderful provider, but emotionally distant from his children. His anger tormented much of my childhood. That being said, I am blessed to have been given many of their individual strengths (weaknesses too). My Mom is tenderhearted, wickedly smart, and faithful. My Dad too is equally intelligent, quick witted, has a passion for words and their composition and loyal to the end. Even in the heat of the moment, I never cussed at my parents...sometimes in front of them, never to them. Well, that went down in flames at the OK-Corral. I let them both have it, my Dad bearing the brunt. He hung up on me, which just furthered my incensed state. Ladies, envision the scene from the movie "Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood" where Sidda and her Scarlett O'Hara-like mother are slamming the phone down on one another, screaming, yelling and certain all the fault lied within the other person. That was us. Since that conversation my father and I have spoken only once. It's been six months. Shortly after our argument, I learned he had congestive heart failure and was in the operating room having a quadruple bypass surgery. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to be the daughter he longed for. I wanted to help, to fix it, and make the hurting stop. None of that happened and while my longing was there, I was simply unable to apply it.
My Dad called my Mom's house this weekend (I'm staying with her short-term). You must know, he's been the best grandpa you can imagine to my kids, especially Garrett. He phoned to talk to him. It happened that my Mom, Garrett, Kelly (my older brother) and I were all fat and happy on the couch. My Mom says to him that I'm there...dead silence (he's on speaker phone). You could taste the tension. My Dad worked his way around the family and spoke with them all, but, he would not speak to me. After he hung up, my Mom shared that his health is poor again. I said out loud "Dad could die and our relationship may never be healed." What is startling about this is that my father could live with that. He's so angry and bearing this grudge, that passing into the afterlife without making peace is reasonable. I want to puke when I think about that. So much has come into perspective. My Dad doesn't get high marks for his fathering skills, but I don't get them either in many of my past behaviors. The degrees of separation between us are really small. I let him financially support me as a way of making him pay. That was my punishment so to speak. I thought "fine, you'll never say you're sorry or admit what you did. You can pay financial penance to me." When I first realized what I was doing, I chalked it up to addict behavior. I was embarrassed and yet, glad I'd realized my part. Real change begins when we own up to our stuff. I moved on from there to realize my Dad will likely never change. I can either accept that or not. Either way, I ought never be prevented from my own change.
My heart hurts in the silence. I don't know what to say to make it better, help him see the changes in me. I don't know how we can or will move past this. I can't bear the thought of losing him and him not knowing how much I love and respect him. I feel so sorry for my part. Making amends is part of the process, living our amends goes on for a lifetime. My prayer today is that time not slip past, that my pride dissipate, and peace be found.
The healing balm of Gilead is a part of my life today. I pray that the balm be soothing to the hurt for my Dad and I.
My mind feels like a toll road these days. Lots of passing thoughts, heartstrings being pulled this way and that, emotions rising to the surface. I feel a sense of connectedness to myself and to what God brings up. Some things I have to put back on the shelf for the time being, while other things I am so much better equipped to handle. Many relationships within my family are sitting on the shelf. I feel fear around confronting my own anger and hurt. This is a primary feeling related to my Dad. He's computer illiterate, so I don't worry about him finding my blog! He can't even set a digital clock! It's actually a part of him I find endearing. Anyway, several months ago he and I had our own OK Corral-Tombstone type experience...we just weren't on the same side. I said things that were down right appalling and insensitive. I was heartless and didn't express any measure of gratefulness for all my father has provided for me. I can't say that growing up with this man was easy, fair, or without abuse. My Dad, for reasons still inexplicable to me, has never been able to fully own his past actions. While I ranted that I had moved on, forgiven him and no longer focused on the past, I continued to lie to myself. Deep down I was resentful and my fury raged just below the surface. An event with my son a number of months ago, triggered my anger and sent me over the edge.
Let me paint a picture for you. I grew up in a christian home, divided, but christian. My Mom strove to please God, please others, and love both my brother and I for the both of them. My Dad, a policeman, was a wonderful provider, but emotionally distant from his children. His anger tormented much of my childhood. That being said, I am blessed to have been given many of their individual strengths (weaknesses too). My Mom is tenderhearted, wickedly smart, and faithful. My Dad too is equally intelligent, quick witted, has a passion for words and their composition and loyal to the end. Even in the heat of the moment, I never cussed at my parents...sometimes in front of them, never to them. Well, that went down in flames at the OK-Corral. I let them both have it, my Dad bearing the brunt. He hung up on me, which just furthered my incensed state. Ladies, envision the scene from the movie "Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood" where Sidda and her Scarlett O'Hara-like mother are slamming the phone down on one another, screaming, yelling and certain all the fault lied within the other person. That was us. Since that conversation my father and I have spoken only once. It's been six months. Shortly after our argument, I learned he had congestive heart failure and was in the operating room having a quadruple bypass surgery. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to be the daughter he longed for. I wanted to help, to fix it, and make the hurting stop. None of that happened and while my longing was there, I was simply unable to apply it.
My Dad called my Mom's house this weekend (I'm staying with her short-term). You must know, he's been the best grandpa you can imagine to my kids, especially Garrett. He phoned to talk to him. It happened that my Mom, Garrett, Kelly (my older brother) and I were all fat and happy on the couch. My Mom says to him that I'm there...dead silence (he's on speaker phone). You could taste the tension. My Dad worked his way around the family and spoke with them all, but, he would not speak to me. After he hung up, my Mom shared that his health is poor again. I said out loud "Dad could die and our relationship may never be healed." What is startling about this is that my father could live with that. He's so angry and bearing this grudge, that passing into the afterlife without making peace is reasonable. I want to puke when I think about that. So much has come into perspective. My Dad doesn't get high marks for his fathering skills, but I don't get them either in many of my past behaviors. The degrees of separation between us are really small. I let him financially support me as a way of making him pay. That was my punishment so to speak. I thought "fine, you'll never say you're sorry or admit what you did. You can pay financial penance to me." When I first realized what I was doing, I chalked it up to addict behavior. I was embarrassed and yet, glad I'd realized my part. Real change begins when we own up to our stuff. I moved on from there to realize my Dad will likely never change. I can either accept that or not. Either way, I ought never be prevented from my own change.
My heart hurts in the silence. I don't know what to say to make it better, help him see the changes in me. I don't know how we can or will move past this. I can't bear the thought of losing him and him not knowing how much I love and respect him. I feel so sorry for my part. Making amends is part of the process, living our amends goes on for a lifetime. My prayer today is that time not slip past, that my pride dissipate, and peace be found.
The healing balm of Gilead is a part of my life today. I pray that the balm be soothing to the hurt for my Dad and I.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Try
"We recognize the need for change. Our disease involved much more than using drugs, so our recovery must involve much more than simple abstinence. Recovery is an active change in our ideas and attitudes." Basic Text, pp 53
When I first got clean, I didn't recognize the need for change. My family did. My friends did. In fact, I think everyone around me recognized how close I was to death and that something had to give. Otherwise, they would all be attending a wake. I don't mean to be melodramatic, but truly, that's where I was. I rarely share about what it took to get the process of recovery started. I'm not ashamed of it (I think it's a common story), I just don't talk about it much. One night, I overdosed. I remember nothing. My Mom has replayed the story again and again and it's frightening. I woke up, naked on a hospital bed with an IV sticking out of me neck and Nurse Ratchett coming at me with this nasty black solution. I don't recall the doctor or nurse being particularly loving. I can't imagine that I was a nice person either. Next step, the Whack Shack. It took forever (19 days) to detox and it was the most miserable time of my life. God gave me the presence of mind during this time to recognize the matter was life or death and today, I was being given a choice. He opened the doors for a treatment center and the rest of my life began. Deep down, I thought treatment would cure me. After all, who spends that kind of money to gain nothing? I was a "perfect" student, completed all my assignments on time, participated in groups, even went to aftercare. I left after three months and felt like a fish out of water. I bounced around from fellowship to fellowship. During rehab, we took the druggie buggy to this NA meeting. I hated it. The people were nuts and certainly didn't fit into my suburban lifestyle (frankly, they scared the poo out of me). The message was "do or die MotherF*****) and that's not my style. Anyway, I vowed never to return. During what I consider my alien period, guess where I ended up? Guess which group became my home group? Ha!
It was in that small, stuffy room that God revealed that my problem really wasn't about the drugs. It was so much more. I was spiritually bankrupt. This rocked my world. I've always gone to church, had a heart for God, and practiced my spirituality in a religious way. This furthered my shame (at the time I believed you couldn't be a christian and an addict at the same time. See a few previous posts, the cleft in my mind was vast...good thing God is bigger). I knew that all this provided a false sense of security and that I had let my broken relationship with a Higher Power (who I believed to be punitive and plain pissed off at me for being so imperfect) only tap into the surface of my life. This was my huge recognition for real change (or at least the start of it. The subject of reservations kicked my ass later on and provided yet another catalyst for change). I believe this is where God stepped in and helped me begin to change what I believed about Him and what I believed about myself.
Today, and everyday I'm able, I ask myself what lies I'm telling myself. Sometimes it's that I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, able enough, or that not paying my bills will result in zero consequences. When I see those lies for what they really are, I can change - or better yet, try. I haven't become spiritual overnight, or found some secret to unlock the mystery of God. I just try to cultivate a relationship with Him that works for me. It's based on grace, prayer, and the belief that He always has my best interest at heart. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel connected and in harmony, other days, well, I don't.
So, what can I do? For starters, beware of riding the high horse or I'll be swimming in manure before my next breath. I can share, I can listen, I can try.
Friday, June 27, 2008
A little Gratitude
I don't have anything profound to say, except that my family (well, Kelly, Mom and Garrett) are all here. We'll be spending the weekend together having a great time. I was all stressed out about some ridiculous crap over the week, particularly today. My doctor called to bitch me out regarding a situation she has no business saying anything but "Are you okay? How can we help." Or "sorry, that must have sucked." She felt compulsed to drone on and on about a subject she's clueless about. Anyway, it pushed a BIG button and I was all wrapped up in it. Then I realized I was renting head space to someone who doesn't belong there. A healthy nap, cookies, reading the text and the book of book, and time alone fixed it. I'm a much better person now.
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude as I spend time with my family. First, my brother Kell is in a good place. He's the clean Kelly who makes me laugh so hard I either pee my pants or spew milk out my nose. He's also the one guy on this earth who gets me, loves me, understands the addiction bit, and never judges me. He's just a big brother who loves his baby sister.
And then there's Garrett, who's new thing is watching the weather channel. It's hilarious. Yesterday, he watched the Seattle area, where a large portion of my family remains. He HAD to call Sha-Sha (my Grandmother) and warn her that there were dangerous thunderstorms coming her direction. Does she have a closet to hide in asked the six year old. He was very serious and I was trying not to erupt in uncontrollable laughter. His seriousness was followed shortly with a noxious fart. All is well in Garrett's world. He could be the next Al Roker you know. Except he's white...and cute....I'll stop there.
And my Mom. She's just being herself and I love it. We laid on her bed to take a nap. Mistake. We talked, I wiggled, she snores, so finally I left. I love my Mom. She's so real, so loving to me and never gives up even when I screw up. She gets the badge and ticker-tape parade for being just a really nice woman. She loves God with all her heart too. She's a superstar.
I'm off to bed.
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude as I spend time with my family. First, my brother Kell is in a good place. He's the clean Kelly who makes me laugh so hard I either pee my pants or spew milk out my nose. He's also the one guy on this earth who gets me, loves me, understands the addiction bit, and never judges me. He's just a big brother who loves his baby sister.
And then there's Garrett, who's new thing is watching the weather channel. It's hilarious. Yesterday, he watched the Seattle area, where a large portion of my family remains. He HAD to call Sha-Sha (my Grandmother) and warn her that there were dangerous thunderstorms coming her direction. Does she have a closet to hide in asked the six year old. He was very serious and I was trying not to erupt in uncontrollable laughter. His seriousness was followed shortly with a noxious fart. All is well in Garrett's world. He could be the next Al Roker you know. Except he's white...and cute....I'll stop there.
And my Mom. She's just being herself and I love it. We laid on her bed to take a nap. Mistake. We talked, I wiggled, she snores, so finally I left. I love my Mom. She's so real, so loving to me and never gives up even when I screw up. She gets the badge and ticker-tape parade for being just a really nice woman. She loves God with all her heart too. She's a superstar.
I'm off to bed.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
NASA
What a week. Sometimes I really love the fact that God continually speaks to me and other times I'd really rather act like a four year old with plugged ears. God was especially poignant this past week, particularly yesterday as I sat through a meeting. The topic was surrender, which of course I'd laid awake the night before with a huge sense of wonderment at the fact I just can't seem to master this subject...nor have I put forth continued effort that creates lasting change. I've always prided myself on being a "fighter" and saw surrender to anything or anyone as giving up that fact. So, this woman from the rooms asked me a great question after the meeting that put the concept of surrender in terms I understand, relate to, and desire to please God in. Imagine that. She was telling me about her very first go around with the first step (for readers unfamiliar, the 1st step is admitting we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable...easy enough, right?). Her sponsor asked her what the opposite of unmanageable meant. Side note: those of us within in NA are rocket scientists - something's meaning is generally the opposite of it. She responded, logically, that the opposite of unmanageable was manageable. Her sponsor's thoughtful response was simply, MM no. In general, addicts are especially proficient at unmanageable. We thrive on chaos, live for drama, and are generally addicted to most people, places and things. Manageable is mediocre at best. We deserve more. I deserve more. I believe, as her sponsor did, that God intends more for us. Eventually, as she worked this step (and so graciously shared that work with me), she found that the opposite of unmanageable was harmony. To live in harmony with others, with God, with myself. Ha! I get it! Suddenly, surrender doesn't look so daunting, so unreachable. I just have to get out of my own way.
I watched a profound and extremely well done documentary last night on Discovery "In The Shadow of The Moon." It was about the United States accomplishment of landing on the moon via Apollo 11. It followed the lives of those astronauts, along with the ensuing four missions in the following years. I was captivated. I'm not a space geek and really don't understand the whole physics gig, but I love documentaries, love Ron Howard and so forth. Gene Cernan, a NASA pilot/Apollo 11 and 17 member, stated that there was a moment, in the shadow of the moon, that held such ecstasy and excitement, followed by an incredible feeling of a power so much greater than himself. He remarked what a life changing experience it was and that his view of terrestrial relationships, the state of the world, religion - everything was seemingly changed forever. In short, he became a believer. He saw harmony, he lived it and has carried it's message since. At 26,000 mph, a one hundred percent oxygen environment and in a little metal carrier that would go down in flames with the smallest spark, he saw God, he surrendered, he knew in his heart that he had purpose. While NASA rewarded him with a ticker-tape parade and a little patch, God gave him lasting hope, unending grace, and a pretty sweet retirement package that goes on for eternity.
Buzz Alderin said that in the final moments just before the lunar module landed on the face of the moon for the first time, both he and cool-headed Neil Armstrong lost faith in hopes of landing, as the terrain was so jagged. He noted that in guiding the vessel, they faced four simple options: pitch right, pitch left, pitch back, pitch forward. The first three made viewing outside terrain impossible. You went from 100% visibility to zero. If, however, you pitched just slightly forward and kept going, the lunar module maintained course and visibility was 360 degrees with complete visibility. While I believe his statement was not meant to be spiritual, I couldn't help but be blown away by the concept and it's simple relation to my life. Long live NASA, long live the message of hope I received, and long live basic cable.
I watched a profound and extremely well done documentary last night on Discovery "In The Shadow of The Moon." It was about the United States accomplishment of landing on the moon via Apollo 11. It followed the lives of those astronauts, along with the ensuing four missions in the following years. I was captivated. I'm not a space geek and really don't understand the whole physics gig, but I love documentaries, love Ron Howard and so forth. Gene Cernan, a NASA pilot/Apollo 11 and 17 member, stated that there was a moment, in the shadow of the moon, that held such ecstasy and excitement, followed by an incredible feeling of a power so much greater than himself. He remarked what a life changing experience it was and that his view of terrestrial relationships, the state of the world, religion - everything was seemingly changed forever. In short, he became a believer. He saw harmony, he lived it and has carried it's message since. At 26,000 mph, a one hundred percent oxygen environment and in a little metal carrier that would go down in flames with the smallest spark, he saw God, he surrendered, he knew in his heart that he had purpose. While NASA rewarded him with a ticker-tape parade and a little patch, God gave him lasting hope, unending grace, and a pretty sweet retirement package that goes on for eternity.
Buzz Alderin said that in the final moments just before the lunar module landed on the face of the moon for the first time, both he and cool-headed Neil Armstrong lost faith in hopes of landing, as the terrain was so jagged. He noted that in guiding the vessel, they faced four simple options: pitch right, pitch left, pitch back, pitch forward. The first three made viewing outside terrain impossible. You went from 100% visibility to zero. If, however, you pitched just slightly forward and kept going, the lunar module maintained course and visibility was 360 degrees with complete visibility. While I believe his statement was not meant to be spiritual, I couldn't help but be blown away by the concept and it's simple relation to my life. Long live NASA, long live the message of hope I received, and long live basic cable.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Addict in Chief
First of all, I love the NY Times. Secondly, I'm so glad that there is a coming election. I pray for real change in our oil-addicted lives. The proposed energy plan will make it affordable for every american to use natural and alternative sources of fuel and stop our addiction to forgien oil. You can find this article at nytimes.com. Remember, this is my opinion, if you do not share it, that's okay. I have never left a politically charged post, but thought this was worth it. I'll have a personal one coming shortly.
Mr. Bush, Lead or Leave
Addict-in-Chief
By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN
Published: June 22, 2008
Two years ago, President Bush declared that America was “addicted to oil,” and, by gosh, he was going to do something about it. Well, now he has. Now we have the new Bush energy plan: “Get more addicted to oil.”
Actually, it’s more sophisticated than that: Get Saudi Arabia, our chief oil pusher, to up our dosage for a little while and bring down the oil price just enough so the renewable energy alternatives can’t totally take off. Then try to strong arm Congress into lifting the ban on drilling offshore and in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
It’s as if our addict-in-chief is saying to us: “C’mon guys, you know you want a little more of the good stuff. One more hit, baby. Just one more toke on the ole oil pipe. I promise, next year, we’ll all go straight. I’ll even put a wind turbine on my presidential library. But for now, give me one more pop from that drill, please, baby. Just one more transfusion of that sweet offshore crude.”
It is hard for me to find the words to express what a massive, fraudulent, pathetic excuse for an energy policy this is. But it gets better. The president actually had the gall to set a deadline for this drug deal:
“I know the Democratic leaders have opposed some of these policies in the past,” Mr. Bush said. “Now that their opposition has helped drive gas prices to record levels, I ask them to reconsider their positions. If Congressional leaders leave for the Fourth of July recess without taking action, they will need to explain why $4-a-gallon gasoline is not enough incentive for them to act.”
This from a president who for six years resisted any pressure on Detroit to seriously improve mileage standards on its gas guzzlers; this from a president who’s done nothing to encourage conservation; this from a president who has so neutered the Environmental Protection Agency that the head of the E.P.A. today seems to be in a witness-protection program. I bet there aren’t 12 readers of this newspaper who could tell you his name or identify him in a police lineup.
But, most of all, this deadline is from a president who hasn’t lifted a finger to broker passage of legislation that has been stuck in Congress for a year, which could actually impact America’s energy profile right now — unlike offshore oil that would take years to flow — and create good tech jobs to boot.
That bill is H.R. 6049 — “The Renewable Energy and Job Creation Act of 2008,” which extends for another eight years the investment tax credit for installing solar energy and extends for one year the production tax credit for producing wind power and for three years the credits for geothermal, wave energy and other renewables.
These critical tax credits for renewables are set to expire at the end of this fiscal year and, if they do, it will mean thousands of jobs lost and billions of dollars of investments not made. “Already clean energy projects in the U.S. are being put on hold,” said Rhone Resch, president of the Solar Energy Industries Association.
People forget, wind and solar power are here, they work, they can go on your roof tomorrow. What they need now is a big U.S. market where lots of manufacturers have an incentive to install solar panels and wind turbines — because the more they do, the more these technologies would move down the learning curve, become cheaper and be able to compete directly with coal, oil and nuclear, without subsidies.
That seems to be exactly what the Republican Party is trying to block, since the Senate Republicans — sorry to say, with the help of John McCain — have now managed to defeat the renewal of these tax credits six different times.
Of course, we’re going to need oil for years to come. That being the case, I’d prefer — for geopolitical reasons — that we get as much as possible from domestic wells. But our future is not in oil, and a real president wouldn’t be hectoring Congress about offshore drilling today. He’d be telling the country a much larger truth:
“Oil is poisoning our climate and our geopolitics, and here is how we’re going to break our addiction: We’re going to set a floor price of $4.50 a gallon for gasoline and $100 a barrel for oil. And that floor price is going to trigger massive investments in renewable energy — particularly wind, solar panels and solar thermal. And we’re also going to go on a crash program to dramatically increase energy efficiency, to drive conservation to a whole new level and to build more nuclear power. And I want every Democrat and every Republican to join me in this endeavor.”
That’s what a real president would do. He’d give us a big strategic plan to end our addiction to oil and build a bipartisan coalition to deliver it. He certainly wouldn’t be using his last days in office to threaten Congressional Democrats that if they don’t approve offshore drilling by the Fourth of July recess, they will be blamed for $4-a-gallon gas. That is so lame. That is an energy policy so unworthy of our Independence Day.
Mr. Bush, Lead or Leave
Addict-in-Chief
By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN
Published: June 22, 2008
Two years ago, President Bush declared that America was “addicted to oil,” and, by gosh, he was going to do something about it. Well, now he has. Now we have the new Bush energy plan: “Get more addicted to oil.”
Actually, it’s more sophisticated than that: Get Saudi Arabia, our chief oil pusher, to up our dosage for a little while and bring down the oil price just enough so the renewable energy alternatives can’t totally take off. Then try to strong arm Congress into lifting the ban on drilling offshore and in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
It’s as if our addict-in-chief is saying to us: “C’mon guys, you know you want a little more of the good stuff. One more hit, baby. Just one more toke on the ole oil pipe. I promise, next year, we’ll all go straight. I’ll even put a wind turbine on my presidential library. But for now, give me one more pop from that drill, please, baby. Just one more transfusion of that sweet offshore crude.”
It is hard for me to find the words to express what a massive, fraudulent, pathetic excuse for an energy policy this is. But it gets better. The president actually had the gall to set a deadline for this drug deal:
“I know the Democratic leaders have opposed some of these policies in the past,” Mr. Bush said. “Now that their opposition has helped drive gas prices to record levels, I ask them to reconsider their positions. If Congressional leaders leave for the Fourth of July recess without taking action, they will need to explain why $4-a-gallon gasoline is not enough incentive for them to act.”
This from a president who for six years resisted any pressure on Detroit to seriously improve mileage standards on its gas guzzlers; this from a president who’s done nothing to encourage conservation; this from a president who has so neutered the Environmental Protection Agency that the head of the E.P.A. today seems to be in a witness-protection program. I bet there aren’t 12 readers of this newspaper who could tell you his name or identify him in a police lineup.
But, most of all, this deadline is from a president who hasn’t lifted a finger to broker passage of legislation that has been stuck in Congress for a year, which could actually impact America’s energy profile right now — unlike offshore oil that would take years to flow — and create good tech jobs to boot.
That bill is H.R. 6049 — “The Renewable Energy and Job Creation Act of 2008,” which extends for another eight years the investment tax credit for installing solar energy and extends for one year the production tax credit for producing wind power and for three years the credits for geothermal, wave energy and other renewables.
These critical tax credits for renewables are set to expire at the end of this fiscal year and, if they do, it will mean thousands of jobs lost and billions of dollars of investments not made. “Already clean energy projects in the U.S. are being put on hold,” said Rhone Resch, president of the Solar Energy Industries Association.
People forget, wind and solar power are here, they work, they can go on your roof tomorrow. What they need now is a big U.S. market where lots of manufacturers have an incentive to install solar panels and wind turbines — because the more they do, the more these technologies would move down the learning curve, become cheaper and be able to compete directly with coal, oil and nuclear, without subsidies.
That seems to be exactly what the Republican Party is trying to block, since the Senate Republicans — sorry to say, with the help of John McCain — have now managed to defeat the renewal of these tax credits six different times.
Of course, we’re going to need oil for years to come. That being the case, I’d prefer — for geopolitical reasons — that we get as much as possible from domestic wells. But our future is not in oil, and a real president wouldn’t be hectoring Congress about offshore drilling today. He’d be telling the country a much larger truth:
“Oil is poisoning our climate and our geopolitics, and here is how we’re going to break our addiction: We’re going to set a floor price of $4.50 a gallon for gasoline and $100 a barrel for oil. And that floor price is going to trigger massive investments in renewable energy — particularly wind, solar panels and solar thermal. And we’re also going to go on a crash program to dramatically increase energy efficiency, to drive conservation to a whole new level and to build more nuclear power. And I want every Democrat and every Republican to join me in this endeavor.”
That’s what a real president would do. He’d give us a big strategic plan to end our addiction to oil and build a bipartisan coalition to deliver it. He certainly wouldn’t be using his last days in office to threaten Congressional Democrats that if they don’t approve offshore drilling by the Fourth of July recess, they will be blamed for $4-a-gallon gas. That is so lame. That is an energy policy so unworthy of our Independence Day.
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