My Life Is In Your Hands

"My Life Is In Your Hands" Click on the link below before you read this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mUZI8qIkwE&feature=related

You don't have to worry, and you don't have to be afraid. Joy comes in the morning, troubles they don't last always. For there's a friend in Jesus, who will wipe your tears away. And if your heart is broken, just lift your hands and say:

Oh, I know that I can make it! I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands. With Jesus I can take it, with Him I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands.

So, when your tests and trials they seem to get you down. And all your friends and loved ones are no where to be found. Remember there's a friend in Jesus, who will wipe your tears away. And if your heart is broken, just lift your hands and say:

Oh, I know that I can make it! I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands. With Jesus I can take it, with Him I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands."

I so often forget whose embrace I remain in. My hope is in Jesus, my strength in the power of His name. Today, I can stand with my head held high - looking to the heavens, because I know who I am in Christ. Today, I am free - liberated by the grace of God. Today, I am renewed in the love of my Savior, who died so that I could live.

The Norman's

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Further Still

My goodness, I haven't posted in forever! So much has gone on the past few months, I hardly know where to begin. The learning never ends.

Today, Ash Wednesday, marks the beginning of the Lenten Season. I began to pray several days ago about what the Lord would have me do, or focus on. I believe the purpose of lent is for us as believers to identify more closely with Christ. It is a time for repentance, a deeper renewing of our minds in obedience to Jesus. Often, people give something up for lent, be it candy, coffee, alcohol, or other such things. I do think abstaining is a good thing, but beyond that, I feel that God calls us to action during this season. I asked "Lord, what can I do? How can I grow and where do I need to be more obedient to you?" In the depths of my heart, I knew what He wanted. I resisted at first, knowing that the call was to work through bitterness and anger toward a member of my family. My hope is that my obedience in this area is not for a season, but sets up behavior patterns that will remain the rest of my days.

My anger is deep and has invaded much of my heart. Being angry is so much easier than being hurt. That's really what this boils down to. This person has hurt me deeply. The rift it has caused in our family is big. I am not being included in family get togethers at her behest. Honestly, I just don't understand that part of it. I have my part to play in this, mind you. I know I'm not without fault. I tried around Thanksgiving, to repair this relationship and hit a dead end. What I know to be true, is that forgiveness sets me free. She is responsible for her own actions and I am responsible for mine. No longer do I wish to be enslaved to the yoke of bitterness. Candidly, I feel terribly disappointed in her. For much of my life, I looked up to this woman. She was godly in my eyes; a woman of faith, professing to be a follower of Christ. It is not my place to judge anyone's salvation, so I will not do so. However, I have received the grace and salvation of Christ. He has forgiven me of my sins. He didn't qualify that forgiveness, nor did He say that it only covered a portion of my wrong doings. His blood justified and sanctifies me continually, over all multitudes of sin. Why then, do we as humans, as believers, as women after God's heart, do this to one another? Why am I not good enough to be included in my own family? How is that she cannot move forward? Frankly, my sin (at least in my eyes) has not impacted her directly. I understand the disappointment she has in me. For heaven's sake, I have my own sense of disappointment in choices I've made. Every morning I look in the mirror, I stare the devil's bondage in the face. The moment my eyes open after I've blinked, I see the face of Jesus staring back at me, reminding my fragile heart that I never need go back to the place I came from.

During this season of Lent, I will daily seek the Lord. I will proactively work to let go of my anger, my frustration and in turn, ask for His deliverance. I don't know what this journey will look like. In many ways, I am excited by that. I love the surprises of our Lord, when He works in ways we did or could not imagine. The ashes on my forehead remind me that I will return to the dust from whence I came. In the meantime, all is not lost as I work to draw closer to the Lord. Repentance brings us peace. That peace goes hand in hand with the liberty of my soul. I pray that at the end of this 40 days, that my hope and life will be resurrected with Christ Jesus on Easter Sunday.

Rejoice and celebrate the journey with me. Above all, ask the Lord what you can do during the season of Lent to go further still with Him. He will not tarry to give you His word, His answer, His peace, and His everlasting love.

His Gaze

I wish I had the energy to write prolifically tonight about all that is swirling in my head. Not going to happen. All I can say is that God is teaching me a lesson I am just so reluctant to permeate all of me. Do you ever have days where it's everything you can do just to cope? I am trying to discern God's will but recognize I'm so over thinking things. The voice of reason was my brother this afternoon, reminding that sometimes the journey isn't right or wrong, it's right or left. Often, I see things as black and white with no middle. What I am facing currently is definitely a circumstance of gray. God is asking me to give up what I consider most precious in my life and rely completely and utterly on Him.

I keep thinking about Peter as he walked out on the water, in the midst of the storm. While his gaze was fixed on Christ, he was given the ability to walk on the water, but when he looked away, gravity took hold and he began to sink. That's my prayer today. God, help me be like Peter in the continued gaze into your eyes. May I find the peace I desperately long for, may I know the joy that comes only in knowing you, and the freedom in giving up that which I hold dear in order to gain everything you have for me. Just now, Jesus, you know the depths of my heart, the hurts that want to run rampant in my soul, but I beg of you to be the only One in my gaze. May all else fall away to glimpse at your loving and tender face, to feel the warmth of your embrace that is the eternal balm for my humanness. Upon you, sweetest One, do I fix mine eyes.

Gentleness

I often blog to share what I'm struggling with and what the Lord is teaching me. It has been my hope and prayer, with the growing number of people who follow this blog, that when you read it your head is nodding in relation. I laid in bed awake last night for awhile, thinking and praying. I have been keenly aware recently of how at peace I feel. What precipitated such peace? My surrender. As I looked back, I see that I resisted God and His leading, thus creating turmoil in my heart. My daily surrender has led me to let go of what I cannot control and seek God's wisdom in what I can. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am or the immense blessings that God has bestowed in my life.

I read Proverbs 15:1 this morning. Go read it. I will be seeing Kelly this morning. Without getting into massive details, he will be doing 18 months in community corrections. He is angry with me and in turn, his anger has spurred mine. Part of my lying awake last night centered around those circumstances. I woke up dreading having to talk to him. In my mind, I went through my rant and rave, plotting out what I might say. Well, after drudging downstairs, turning on the computer and staring at the daily scripture, God's voice was loud and clear. What my brother needs is gentility, not my anger. What purpose would it serve to lambaste him or take a position that might make him think I don't support him? It's hard for me to not act angry. Generally, my anger is a mask for deeper emotions. I often say "I'm not stubborn, I'm right." This really isn't time to be of that stance, is it?

God is faithful, is he not? His faithfulness continues in spite of our resistance. His love permeates in spite of our anger. His wisdom is available to all who seek it. Have a blessed day!

Love

I have come to understand that strength, inner strength, comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving. I think apart from the idea that I am a sinner and God forgives me, this is the greatest lesson I have ever learned. When you get it, it changes you. It changed me. God's love will never change us if we don't accept it.

It's taken me years to learn the lesson. Seasons of wandering off the path God intended for me, hating myself, and taking those around me into the vacuum of darkness. By all accounts and purposes, on the outside few would have known the inner turmoil raging in me. I was stamped and approved, singing my hymns on Sunday, spying the world around me and wondering if anyone else felt the same. The greatest lie I have ever had to contend with is that the universe revolves around me.

Was there a singular change that brought about my acceptance of God's grace and His unconditional love for me? I don't think so. I believe it was a series of moments great and small, starting as a teen working at a christian camp, through having my children and ultimately, hitting the bottom hard two years ago. The seed was planted at that camp as I watched others close to me see and know Christ. The seedling was grown as I marveled that my own children love me without thought or condition. I was changed forever when I awoke spiritually and emotionally after the ravage of addiction had taken hold of my soul. I heard the sound of chains breaking, the prison doors being demolished, and my heart made new with the ushering in of freedom. Beth Moore calls it breaking free. I broke free of the enemy's hold and ran into the arms of my Savior. I received His love and knew it was the truth of all truths. The voices that whispered to me in the dark were silenced when His love came in.

It's the simple things that change our lives.