I wish I had the energy to write prolifically tonight about all that is swirling in my head. Not going to happen. All I can say is that God is teaching me a lesson I am just so reluctant to permeate all of me. Do you ever have days where it's everything you can do just to cope? I am trying to discern God's will but recognize I'm so over thinking things. The voice of reason was my brother this afternoon, reminding that sometimes the journey isn't right or wrong, it's right or left. Often, I see things as black and white with no middle. What I am facing currently is definitely a circumstance of gray. God is asking me to give up what I consider most precious in my life and rely completely and utterly on Him.
I keep thinking about Peter as he walked out on the water, in the midst of the storm. While his gaze was fixed on Christ, he was given the ability to walk on the water, but when he looked away, gravity took hold and he began to sink. That's my prayer today. God, help me be like Peter in the continued gaze into your eyes. May I find the peace I desperately long for, may I know the joy that comes only in knowing you, and the freedom in giving up that which I hold dear in order to gain everything you have for me. Just now, Jesus, you know the depths of my heart, the hurts that want to run rampant in my soul, but I beg of you to be the only One in my gaze. May all else fall away to glimpse at your loving and tender face, to feel the warmth of your embrace that is the eternal balm for my humanness. Upon you, sweetest One, do I fix mine eyes.
