Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Further Still
My goodness, I haven't posted in forever! So much has gone on the past few months, I hardly know where to begin. The learning never ends.
Today, Ash Wednesday, marks the beginning of the Lenten Season. I began to pray several days ago about what the Lord would have me do, or focus on. I believe the purpose of lent is for us as believers to identify more closely with Christ. It is a time for repentance, a deeper renewing of our minds in obedience to Jesus. Often, people give something up for lent, be it candy, coffee, alcohol, or other such things. I do think abstaining is a good thing, but beyond that, I feel that God calls us to action during this season. I asked "Lord, what can I do? How can I grow and where do I need to be more obedient to you?" In the depths of my heart, I knew what He wanted. I resisted at first, knowing that the call was to work through bitterness and anger toward a member of my family. My hope is that my obedience in this area is not for a season, but sets up behavior patterns that will remain the rest of my days.
My anger is deep and has invaded much of my heart. Being angry is so much easier than being hurt. That's really what this boils down to. This person has hurt me deeply. The rift it has caused in our family is big. I am not being included in family get togethers at her behest. Honestly, I just don't understand that part of it. I have my part to play in this, mind you. I know I'm not without fault. I tried around Thanksgiving, to repair this relationship and hit a dead end. What I know to be true, is that forgiveness sets me free. She is responsible for her own actions and I am responsible for mine. No longer do I wish to be enslaved to the yoke of bitterness. Candidly, I feel terribly disappointed in her. For much of my life, I looked up to this woman. She was godly in my eyes; a woman of faith, professing to be a follower of Christ. It is not my place to judge anyone's salvation, so I will not do so. However, I have received the grace and salvation of Christ. He has forgiven me of my sins. He didn't qualify that forgiveness, nor did He say that it only covered a portion of my wrong doings. His blood justified and sanctifies me continually, over all multitudes of sin. Why then, do we as humans, as believers, as women after God's heart, do this to one another? Why am I not good enough to be included in my own family? How is that she cannot move forward? Frankly, my sin (at least in my eyes) has not impacted her directly. I understand the disappointment she has in me. For heaven's sake, I have my own sense of disappointment in choices I've made. Every morning I look in the mirror, I stare the devil's bondage in the face. The moment my eyes open after I've blinked, I see the face of Jesus staring back at me, reminding my fragile heart that I never need go back to the place I came from.
During this season of Lent, I will daily seek the Lord. I will proactively work to let go of my anger, my frustration and in turn, ask for His deliverance. I don't know what this journey will look like. In many ways, I am excited by that. I love the surprises of our Lord, when He works in ways we did or could not imagine. The ashes on my forehead remind me that I will return to the dust from whence I came. In the meantime, all is not lost as I work to draw closer to the Lord. Repentance brings us peace. That peace goes hand in hand with the liberty of my soul. I pray that at the end of this 40 days, that my hope and life will be resurrected with Christ Jesus on Easter Sunday.
Rejoice and celebrate the journey with me. Above all, ask the Lord what you can do during the season of Lent to go further still with Him. He will not tarry to give you His word, His answer, His peace, and His everlasting love.
Today, Ash Wednesday, marks the beginning of the Lenten Season. I began to pray several days ago about what the Lord would have me do, or focus on. I believe the purpose of lent is for us as believers to identify more closely with Christ. It is a time for repentance, a deeper renewing of our minds in obedience to Jesus. Often, people give something up for lent, be it candy, coffee, alcohol, or other such things. I do think abstaining is a good thing, but beyond that, I feel that God calls us to action during this season. I asked "Lord, what can I do? How can I grow and where do I need to be more obedient to you?" In the depths of my heart, I knew what He wanted. I resisted at first, knowing that the call was to work through bitterness and anger toward a member of my family. My hope is that my obedience in this area is not for a season, but sets up behavior patterns that will remain the rest of my days.
My anger is deep and has invaded much of my heart. Being angry is so much easier than being hurt. That's really what this boils down to. This person has hurt me deeply. The rift it has caused in our family is big. I am not being included in family get togethers at her behest. Honestly, I just don't understand that part of it. I have my part to play in this, mind you. I know I'm not without fault. I tried around Thanksgiving, to repair this relationship and hit a dead end. What I know to be true, is that forgiveness sets me free. She is responsible for her own actions and I am responsible for mine. No longer do I wish to be enslaved to the yoke of bitterness. Candidly, I feel terribly disappointed in her. For much of my life, I looked up to this woman. She was godly in my eyes; a woman of faith, professing to be a follower of Christ. It is not my place to judge anyone's salvation, so I will not do so. However, I have received the grace and salvation of Christ. He has forgiven me of my sins. He didn't qualify that forgiveness, nor did He say that it only covered a portion of my wrong doings. His blood justified and sanctifies me continually, over all multitudes of sin. Why then, do we as humans, as believers, as women after God's heart, do this to one another? Why am I not good enough to be included in my own family? How is that she cannot move forward? Frankly, my sin (at least in my eyes) has not impacted her directly. I understand the disappointment she has in me. For heaven's sake, I have my own sense of disappointment in choices I've made. Every morning I look in the mirror, I stare the devil's bondage in the face. The moment my eyes open after I've blinked, I see the face of Jesus staring back at me, reminding my fragile heart that I never need go back to the place I came from.
During this season of Lent, I will daily seek the Lord. I will proactively work to let go of my anger, my frustration and in turn, ask for His deliverance. I don't know what this journey will look like. In many ways, I am excited by that. I love the surprises of our Lord, when He works in ways we did or could not imagine. The ashes on my forehead remind me that I will return to the dust from whence I came. In the meantime, all is not lost as I work to draw closer to the Lord. Repentance brings us peace. That peace goes hand in hand with the liberty of my soul. I pray that at the end of this 40 days, that my hope and life will be resurrected with Christ Jesus on Easter Sunday.
Rejoice and celebrate the journey with me. Above all, ask the Lord what you can do during the season of Lent to go further still with Him. He will not tarry to give you His word, His answer, His peace, and His everlasting love.
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