Keeping A Quiet Heart

Elisabeth Elliot is one of my favorite authors. She writes in a way that is raw, exposes truth, all while being touchingly compassionate given all that she has faced in life. She has a book entitled Keep A Quiet Heart, which I highly suggest you have in your library. "Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup, and have made my lot secure." (Psalm 16:5). I often think about that night the disciples were out on the Sea of Galilee and the storm was raging. They were petrified, convinced they would end up on the bottom of the sea. Yet, our Lord was fast asleep, seemingly unaware of the tumultuous storm raging around them. The disciples were angry and shook Him awake with rebuke. How could he sleep through such an event? His heart was quiet as he rested in the calm assurance of the Father. I don't think any of us possess a heart so perfectly at rest, for most don't live in divine unity, however, we can learn more and more each day regarding what Jesus knew. Kierkegaard said that purity of heart is to will one thing. Christ willed only one thing: the will of His Father. Believing that God has assigned me my portion and my cup, knowing my lot is secure in His hands, is there is no greater simplifier of life? Can we say there are things that happen which do not belong to our lovingly assigned portion (this belongs, that does not)? Are some things then, out of the control of the Almighty? I believe every assignment is measured for my eternal good. As I accept certain portions, others are cancelled out (don't mistake what I'm saying to mean that we do not have the ability to exercise free will), and as I accept my heart becomes inexpressibly quieter. My assignment entails my willing acceptance of my portion, whether I like it or not. Our response is what matters, and quietness creeps in when we wholly believe that our portion is in the hands of the Father. God promises that He will comforts us, just as a mother comforts her child (Isaiah 66:13). The choice is ours. I can willingly see God, receive from His hand that which He offers with gratitude. Shall I charge him with a mistake in His measurement or with misjudging the sphere in which I can best learn to trust Him? Has He indeed misplaced me? Is He ignorant of things or people that might hinder my doing His will? No. God doesn't love me because of me, He loves me because He is God.

The secret to accepting my portion and my cup is Christ in me, not a different set of circumstances. "He whose heart is kind beyond all measure, gives unto each day what He deems best, lovingly its part of pain and pleasure, mingling toil with peace and rest" Lina Sandell

Lord, today I'll do my best to accept what is given to me, knowing that your measurement is for my best. I will keep a quiet heart in the assurance that you, my God, offer me all that I need to live day by day. In the moments that the torment and confusion seem to overwhelm me, grant me the peace that Jesus felt that night on the boat. You are indeed, my blessed assurance.

Merciful Refusals

Many of us face serious dilemmas and choices in life. In fact, not a single person I know has ever escaped this. I know that I've often prayed for God to somehow remove the struggle, erase the dilemma, and allow me to move on. Usually the answer is "No, not right away." Face it, I must. Furthermore, such situations beckon me to my knees and it is generally there that I learn to wait on the Lord. Notice I didn't say patiently wait. Sometimes patience is in my possession, other times it's as absent as a high school senior the Monday after prom.

St. Augustine said, "The very pleasures of human life men acquire by difficulties." There are times with the entire arrangement of our existence is disrupted and we long for a single quiet and ordinary day. My perception has often been that an ordinary life is greatly desirable, even wonderful, in light of the terrible things that have taken place. I am reminded that difficulties open our eyes to pleasures and gifts clearly taken for granted. The apostle Paul said that he had been "very thoroughly initiated into the human lot with all its ups and downs" (Philippians 4:12, NEB). He was hard-pressed, bewildered, persecuted and struck down. God, in His mercy, didn't remove Paul's hardships. Some of God's greatest mercies are His refusals, are they not? Instead, God made himself known to Paul because of his trials, in such ways as to strengthen his faith and make him an instrument of peace to the rest of us. Hard-pressed Paul was, but not hemmed in - God promises we will never be tempted beyond our power to endure (I can't tell you how many times I've doubted this). Bewildered Paul was, but never at wit's end - God promises wisdom to those who ask for it. Persecuted Paul was, but never left to stand it alone. God promises His unfailing presence, all the days of our lives. Struck down Paul was, but not left to die, although some of Paul's rescues were ignominious in the extreme (think of Paul being let down over a wall in a basket to land on a chunk of plywood). Certainly not the means Paul likely envisioned that the Lord would use to fulfill His promises. But on second thought, why not? Absurdity sometimes does us good. It reminds of God's power and most definitely, His creativity. Yes, life can be absurd - on the surface - but every bit of it is planned, just as Paul tells us. "It is for your sake that all things are ordered, so that, as the abounding grace of God is shared by more and more, the greater may be the chorus of thanksgiving that ascends to the glory of God" (II Corinthians 4:15 NEB). Do I sing a chorus of thanksgiving for God's merciful refusals? Does my song reflect the gratitude of a sinner saved by grace? I ought to think twice about asking the Lord to remove the thorn in my side and instead, seek to find joy in the absurdity of it all. God always answers our prayers. Sometimes, one merciful refusal at a time.

Selah

My Manifesto

I was catching up on a friend's blog tonight and came across a post about a Survivor's Manifesto. I read it and then tried to go on about my merry little way. I had to stop what I was doing and come to terms with what I'm experiencing right now. Anger. I'm so angry about so many things. For me, anger is very scary and for the majority of my life, it was never okay to be angry. You see, in our house, it meant that things could turn upside down in the blink of an eye and turmoil in one form or another, always ensued. Often, I use anger now as a buffer, somehow thinking that it will keep people at arms length. In fact, it does, but that's not a good thing. I realized that recently, I've been shutting people out, keeping myself in and stewing. There have been various circumstances as of late that have sent me into a tail spin. Some of those situations warranted anger, many did not. Frankly, I've wanted to scream at other people and say "Why don't you understand me? Is it that hard to identify with what I'm trying to communicate?" Not the best line of defense and generally, no, they don't get what I'm trying to express primarily because my method is, well, just lame. Here are some of the items on that manifesto, adjusted to what I want to say.
1.) Don't judge where I am. You may not know where or how complicated my journey has been.
Even if you've been a part of that journey, don't assume that you know the depths of the impact it has had on me.
2.) Respect the courage it took to survive.
3.) Don't act like my emotions and feelings are flawed.
4.) Don't give glib answers or ideas. I know deep down what I need to do next. Sometimes it takes me time to do the next right thing. Generally, I come around. Let the process run it's course.
5.) Set boundaries with me. Understand that sometimes I don't know what my own boundaries ought to be. Be patient with me and trust that I'll keep striving to learn.
6.) What matters, is not what you intend, but how it feels to me. I'll keep that at the forefront of my mind when I'm with you too.
7.) Just because you don't "get it" doesn't mean I'm wrong.
8.) I'm always questioning my assumptions and working to change/improve my life. With that in mind, please don't act condescending or superior. To patronize me is hurtful adn the most sure fire way to ruin our relationship permanently.
9.) Just because you don't want to believe it could happen to nice people, or in families like yours, in no way does that mean I will stop telling the truth...ever.
10.) I am the expert on who I am and what I need. You may not believe that, or agree with my choices. I might even contradict what you think you know, but there is no way you can have as complete access to who I am and what I've experienced, as I do. The only one with that access is God. Let Him do His job.
11.) Trust that I am doing the best I know how.
12.) What may seem like massive character defects to you may actually be the foundations of strength. Trust that God is working in me.
13.) When I get angry, that usually means that I'm really hurting inside. Instead of continuing to argue with me, ask me what's really bothering me. Be prepared that I will tell you the truth. And by the way, I'm working on presenting my truth in other ways instead of being mad.
14.) I'm much more reflective than you may realize. I'll take a conversation and think about it for weeks afterward. If we get involved in any sort of dealing that includes a great deal of emotion, know that I need space and time to process it all.
15.) I'm very literal. I don't speak cryptically or try to be an enigma. If I say it, I mean it. Take me at my word.
16.) My love language is spending time together. For me to know you care, make time for me. I promise that I'll learn your love language too.
17.) Try not to blindside me. I freak out when that happens. If it's unavoidable, try to understand that a freak out is on the horizon. I'll recover.
18.) If you want to help, believe in me.
19.) If you want to help, pray for me.
20.) If you want to help some more, hug me.

Lord, overflow my heart with your goodness, your joy, and your peace. Let your love reign in me.

p.s. The photo is the japanese symbol for manifesto. Google rocks!

My Life Is In Your Hands

"My Life Is In Your Hands" Click on the link below before you read this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mUZI8qIkwE&feature=related

You don't have to worry, and you don't have to be afraid. Joy comes in the morning, troubles they don't last always. For there's a friend in Jesus, who will wipe your tears away. And if your heart is broken, just lift your hands and say:

Oh, I know that I can make it! I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands. With Jesus I can take it, with Him I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands.

So, when your tests and trials they seem to get you down. And all your friends and loved ones are no where to be found. Remember there's a friend in Jesus, who will wipe your tears away. And if your heart is broken, just lift your hands and say:

Oh, I know that I can make it! I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands. With Jesus I can take it, with Him I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands."

I so often forget whose embrace I remain in. My hope is in Jesus, my strength in the power of His name. Today, I can stand with my head held high - looking to the heavens, because I know who I am in Christ. Today, I am free - liberated by the grace of God. Today, I am renewed in the love of my Savior, who died so that I could live.