Reconnected

I recently reconnected with an old friend that I've known for some time. He is serving in the military in Afghanistan currently, while his wife, Amy, and their children remain here in the states. Not only do I have great respect for the fact that Craig is protecting the liberties of this nation, I respect and admire his wife for enduring what military life brings. They are a strong christian family. I've added Craig's blog to my list on the left under "Tecmire." Please, pray for his safety, the safety of those he's with, along with praying for his wife and two kids. It's isn't just about our troops, but their families too.

www.navygoesarmy.blogspot.com

Recent Pictures of Garrett and Madilynn

Madi laughing her pants off. This picture is at the bottom of the blog but is fuzzy.

Only in 1st grade do you celebrate 100 days of school. Isn't he adorable? He's my heart!

Not much to say today except I'm worn out! Felt like showing off my kids!

Rock Climbing and Clenched Fists

I have to admit I've been struggling so much the past few days. Many may not know that my brother Kelly is an addict and got into addiction at the age of 11. He's not been clean since. I got a call Friday that he said he was ready to deal with this and could I help. When I got sick in 2004 I became addicted to painkillers, so I get what his journey has been like (to a degree - pill head and street drugs are very different lives). Anyway, I jumped and said yes. I spent the next several days trying to get him safe and into treatment. Road block after road block and I was clutching on to this whole thing not surrendering to God. I was like one of my kids who has something they shouldn't and Mommy asks them to give it to her. What I get is a closed hand that looks like a clenched fist and I have to pry each finger open to get what's inside. That was me for several days regarding Kelly and recovery. Well, he bolted last night. Let me back up. Our whole family gave funds for a motel, food, on and on. I took him all over BFE yesterday as the treatment center he wants to go to has a long list of requirements (including a TB test oddly enough). I didn't know where he would stay for two more nights (they can get him in Thursday), called my father and begged if he would help. Kelly called a friend and said she was going to let him stay two nights and so on. So I call last night to talk to him and find out that he lied to me. She never said he could stay. Long story short, he made it back to the motel. This is where the lesson of boundaries had to hit me in the head. I realized that I was doing all these things with the expectation that Kelly would get clean. Well, that is my want and perhaps not his. He surfaced today and I told him that the rest is up to him. Part of recovery is being willing to go to any lengths to get it. I was going to all lengths I could think of and letting him off the hook. Oops. It felt like not only did I get kicked in the head, the a**, but really in the heart.

I prayed long and hard last night about all of this. NOTE: I've been a basket case. God reminded me of that passage of scripture that promises we are on the wings of the Most High and find refuge in him. I was trying to find refuge in controlling things. NOTE: that doesn't work. It's been a good lesson, just a tough one. I'm not afraid to bear my hurts, my scars or bruises, because I know what the balm of Gilead feels like.

Garrett went to Avid for Adventure today. Can you imagine a child who can't walk rock climbing and then repelling down? HE DID IT! I was so proud. He also got to ride a bike with four wheels, which he thought was the coolest thing. You know one of God's greatest gifts in Garrett's Cerebral Palsy? Other kids adore him, I mean, they're nuts over him (especially the girls). I was so worried in the beginning that no one at school would accept him, love him, or be his friend. Now I worry that a fight doesn't break out over who gets to push his wheelchair. God always makes a way does he not? Too cool.

The picture above is not Garrett (my boy is way cuter), just what I imagine he must have looked like!

Breath of God

I shared this with a dear friend today and thought it was worth sharing again.

When Elijah came out of the cave waiting for God to speak to him and give him the words for the people, he expected this big lightening type show. He wanted God to show up BIG so he wouldn't miss it. Fortunately, by this time the man had perception enough to know when God was directing him. The lightening never came. The big sign saying "Do this and that" never happened. God came in a "puff" or a breath to Elijah. He spoke quietly to him, deep within his heart -the breath of God really. I often expect the speaking of my God to come in big ways and more often than not, it doesn't. He speaks to me through others, through reading and prayer, but most of all he speaks when I quiet my heart. I believe, at least for me, all that is in my life is my portion and my cup. Nothing is out of His hands. When I give thanks for what He's given me, not matter the portion or how filled up my cup is, my heart quiets and faithfully God directs me. The gentle breath of God is all I need. My prayer for you right now is that not only will God speak to you, but bring you distinguished joy in all your circumstances.

I am praying that He bestow wisdom to you, blessing, and most importantly that you sense His nearness in your life. You have so much purpose, so much to give and I believe He has magnificent things in store for you. I believe this for myself as well.

Be lifted up in the gentle breeze of our Savior. It carries through all things and is ever near.

Dirty Socks

Okay, so I've been a little remiss in writing for awhile. Life happened and the luster of writing all the time faded away. I've been remotived, so hold on to your socks. Maybe it's the turn of my spiritual journey as of late, could be the huge amounts of coffee I've been drinking, or a little Creedence Clearwater Revival cranked up. Who knows, who cares.


My lesson has been about a couple things. Surrender. Ooo, kind of a scary word when we really don't want to let go and allow God to have the drivers seat. I'm raising my hands going, THAT'S ME! Funny how when you pray for the willingness to surrender, God answers. I just had to hit the pavement on my face and let the sting pass until I realized that he wanted me to let go. This lesson was excruciating. Emphasis on painful. However, I'm on the back end of it now and see what it's done for me. All of this was marked by God's unending grace (my stubbornness was a hallmark too but I won't get into that). Do you want to know what I see on the other side of surrender (thank Brooklyn Tab for these words - they're not mine)? "I don't have to worry, I don't have to be afraid. Joy comes in the morning, troubles, they don't last always. For there is a friend named Jesus who will wipe your tears away. And if you're heart is broken, just raise your hands and say: Oh, I know that I can make it, I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, MY LIFE is in your hands. With Jesus I can take it, with Him I know I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands. So when your tests and trials, they seem to get you down, and all your friends and loved ones are nowhere to be found; remember there's a friend named Jesus, who will wipe your tears away, and if you're heart is broken, just lift your hands and say....I know that I can make it. I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands." If you're looking for the song, google "My life is in your hands." Trust me, you'll be changed.

You see, I've had to lose a lot recently to surrender, to really understand that no matter what comes my way, I can hold my head up. It's a pathway that's had a lot of curves, bumps and a detour or two. But, my faith in a power bigger than me holds me up. Sometimes we have to lose everything in order to have everything. I'm so in that place!


One other thing...my son as many of you know has Cerebral Palsy. He's playing on a baseball team. Each kid has a "buddy" and it's a bit of a circus but the kids live for it. I see Garrett's tender heart on a regular basis, but Saturday I went to the game. There were kids with special needs ranging from not obvious to the sort that just tugs at your heart. I saw an innocence on that field that touched my heart in a special way. It's not just because they get to play (although, that's a huge piece) it's that they're a part of something. All of us want to belong, we want to be included and feel like we're on a team of people who give a rip. It is my belief that we often separate ourselves, be it out of shame, guilt, self-depcriation or so on. I've done that more than I'd like to admit. For me, it's often out of pride or a sense of terminal uniqueness. I didn't just wake up and smell the coffee (it was more like smelling dirty socks), my soul was awakened to the desire God has for us to be in His fold. Do I trust my Shepard? Not always (can you hear me hitting the pavement again?). Do I believe His fold is enough? Mmmm, sometimes yes, sometimes not so much. But what I realized is that it is not the company I keep in the fold, but the one who leads it. I often feel like the lamb on the Shepards shoulders...you know that one? She keeps getting lost and the Shepard always finds her.

Life is hard. We end up in places we didn't foresee or plan on, but we never have to be alone again. No matter what may come your way, and it may be a lot, our lives can be in the hands of one who wipes away the tears and brings joy in the morning.

It's good to be back. Dirty socks and all.