I keep thinking about this quote I heard the other day. "God does not call the equipped. He equips the called." Admittedly, I feel ill-equipped right now. While I realize that perhaps that furthers my reliance on the Lord, I also recognize that my feelings of inadequacy paralyze me. I've certainly been in worse places, feeling the tattered ends of the rope while clinging on to it with what little strength I had left. I am not at the end of my rope right now, but I could say with certainty that I've been hit with the apathetic stick.

Lord, it's hard for me to express just how I feel right now, but I trust that the Holy Spirit is interceding for me. I am in need of some specific provisions and my looming doubt is trying to convince my heart that you will not come through. Somehow please connect my head, my heart and my soul to your presence. I do long to seek you, to know you more and be crafted how you see fit. I can't even begin to imagine what that portrait would look like, but trust that indeed you are the artist. As the song says "You are the potter, I am the clay. You are the artist and I am the paint. You are the writer and I am your song - I will be your instrument my whole life long. Mold me, change me, color me in shades of you. Play me, sing through me a melody, so when they look at me they will only see who you are. You are my Father and I am your child. An empty vessel, and you are the fire. All that you are Lord is all I desire - Master, Creator...take my life. Make me your work of art." (Shannon Wexelberg - Work Of Art).

To be clearer shades of you is what I ask for.