In His Grip

It's been several days since my last post. Life has been busy and I've been sick.

I was on my way to a meeting last night, thinking about some of the circumstances in my life and how I feel about them. I went back in my mind to how I used to deal with some of these things, and well, it wasn't a pretty thought. God has done such a tremendous work in my life and brought me so far over the past nine months. I've learned that even when I'm not holding onto God, He continues to hold onto me. The meeting topic last night was change. I think it's safe to say that I've changed a lot recently, some very easy and graceful changes, others quite difficult and obtuse. All for the better, I believe. It's been my experience that change breeds insight and not the other way around. I generally don't have "aha" moments and change my life from that point on. It seems that I am in the midst of change when the "aha" occurs. What I do know for certain, is that in the quiet moments of my life, when I lift my hands to the heavens, I open myself up to God's will for my life. I've carried around so much shame for so long. Shame is not what the Lord wishes from me, and it certainly is not something He cast upon me. When I lift up my hands, sometimes in utter despair and frustration, I make myself available to have that shame lifted.

I heard a song on the radio last night that nearly brought me to tears. To ask God how far the east is from the west, He simply says it's the distance between one nail scarred hand to the other. And so it is with His love for me, His desire to go further still among the lessons of life. My grip on the Savior is a little tighter today, but I rest in peace knowing that his grip never lessens.